18 August 2010


So I just took a small break I had in my teaching schedule to dash over to say goodbye to dear Ol' Black. While I drove I tried to figure out what it was, exactly, that I should tell her, how I would lie down with my cheek pressed to her shiny black, tooled naugahyde seat, pat her lovingly and express my love to this near-death automobile, how I would speak softly to her now strangely quieted insides, how I'd thank her for all of the miles we traveled together, how I would apologize for all of the times I left my window open or opened the throttle a little too impatiently, how I would never forget the three week process of extracting her tired heart and giving her a new one, how lovingly I cleaned and repainted all of her under-the-hood accoutrements, how I loved her....

She was already gone.

The folks at State Farm seem entirely incapable of clear communication and so, when they told me that they wouldn't take her away until I physically handed over my title and power of attorney form, well gee. I guess I believed them. After a little deal with a dude named Dale who works at the wrecker place (whom I'm pretty sure has a little crush on me), I am at least assured that all of my personal effects (including the ever-crucial, yellow Wyoming license plate and the jingle bells from Angela's wedding that hung from the mirror), will be retained and saved for me in a safe spot. But I didn't get to see her that one last time. It feels a little like when someone dies and you never got to hug their neck before they were gone forever, um...not to over-dramatize.

On the other hand, not having said goodbye feels a little like choosing not to stay with your pet while they're put to sleep or deciding not to see someone at an open-coffin funeral. Again, I'm a total drama queen right now, but I'm in a slight funk about this. Bear with me....or don't. Gratitude is foremost in my spirit, and I will focus on the good. We always must, really.

And so a fond farewell lurches from my heart today into the grey and misty ether that floats between me and my old love.