It's been a hard day.
It began well, though -- a good, long night's sleep, strong coffee with cinnamon, my morning felt all mine. The house, hushed. A drive to school with Fiona Apple's cover of "Nothing's Gonna Change My World" followed by a rousing, inspiring meeting with my lower school colleagues both cheered me in new ways. Elbow-deep in dust and art supplies in the classroom, progress being made all over this place. Countertops, sparkling. Tempera paint, stashed. Old unnecessaries, thrown. Drying rack bumpers, applied and aligned.
What then, you ask, is the problem?
I knew I would hit this wall before me, I just didn't know when. I won't go into all of it but will give a list of what this wall consists of and why it drove me to sit at my desk and sob for ten minutes:
- catering for 140 folks this past weekend, four meals, lots of brainpower
- the resulting lack of sleep
- starting school, readying a classroom, planning lessons, walking in circles, mind going in twenty-two directions at once
- dealing with insurance folks, worrying over whether my sweet truck really will come back to life once more, wondering what I'll drive in the meantime, up to my eyeballs in terms I don't understand and people who won't call me back
- an unusually unwieldy and out of shape pair of thighs (that's not really in the wall, its just an unpleasant by-product)
What then, you ask, is the upside?
Mom told me today that she felt in her spirit that I was overwhelmed, she prays for me steadfastly. Angela dropped in last night for a beer and a quick chat. Reba told me yesterday morning that she woke up praying for me; I was in her heart and on her mind. Dear cousin Jason called to check in on the vehicle status and offered his low, sweet "I'm so sorry Ev"s. Dad is on the phone even now with some insurance folks, kicking ass and taking names. It's nice to be thought of, to be known by my loved ones, especially in these times when I just can't hold up my arms. God's gifts to me are family and friends who stand by, who lift me up, who wipe my tears and make me laugh again. I am filled to my forehead with gratitude.